Community Livin'

I've been thinking a lot about the types of people that inspire me lately, and I've come to realize that I don't find inspiration in "really smart" people, "really good" people, or even "really holy" people. My inspiration comes from the people who have been unjustly cast into the margins. It comes from my clients who tell me that they're "still standing" despite the fact that they're sleeping in parks and hopping from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. It comes from the kids I tutor who go to bed without dinner but can still find the hope to aspire to be nurses, doctors, teachers, and scientists when they grow up. It is so much more moving to me to hear one of my clients in the midst of their troubles say the words "love never fails," or "I still have hope." How beautiful is it to see someone who has felt cast into the margins their whole life finally discover that they are wholly accepted, perfectly loved, and cared about? This is why I am doing what I am doing - because I cling to the hope that this is what I'm working for; that people will discover they are, as Fr Gregory Boyle says "wholly accepted."
            One of my clients recently had a major depressive episode, and almost committed suicide. She is a recovered drug addict for quite some time now and has raised 3 kids who are crazy about her. However she found herself alone one Friday night, and negative thoughts began to flood her consciousness. All I could do was listen, tell her I was glad she came in to talk to her therapist and me, and that we were going get her back on her feet. She's currently waiting for a court date that will determine whether or not she will receive disability, and in the meantime is having her utilities shut off. To give her a small glimmer of the hope she so deserves, I helped her make plans about how she can budget when she starts getting disability income, and try to find other agencies in Kansas City that will help her with her utility bills. It's easy to forget about the hope that lies ahead when you're in the middle of a storm. Some of my clients and patients have been so abused by the system, people of power, and even by their own family members, that they just can't see that 'hope does not disappoint us'. I find my inspiration in these people because they have been asked to carry a heavier burden than most of us have been asked to carry, and I think they do a better job of carrying it than I ever could. Jesus tells us that they are, just as much as you and I are, the light of the world. "I like even more what Jesus doesn't say. He doesn't say, 'One day, if you are more perfect and try really hard, you'll be light.' He doesn't say, 'If you play by the rules, cross your T's and dot your I's, then maybe you'll become light.' No. He says straight out, 'You are light.'" (Fr Greg Boyle). This is what I try to keep at the forefront of my mind when I work with my clients and patients at the clinic, because I want to make sure my eyes and ears are open to what God is showing me through them. I love what Sister Elaine Roulette says when asked "How do you work with the poor?" She says, "You don't. You share your life with the poor." Fr Greg Boyle continues to say- "It's as basic as crying together. It's about casting your lot before you ever try to change their lot." They are light to me, just as much as I am light to them, and we look the same in God's eyes.

A couple weeks ago my roommates and I took a road trip to St. Louis for the JVC weekend fall retreat, and stayed with the St. Louis community and got to hang out with them. Ever since I can remember I've loved road trips. There's something about being cramped together in a car with music playing, driving down a road beautifully decorated with brightly colored orange, red and yellow tree leaves that just washes over my soul. There's no better way to bond with people than to cram into a tiny car for 4 hours. The retreat focused around the JVC value of community (imagine that) and they squeezed us dry of our reflections on community living. Our community of 4 is pretty much on the same page with a lot of the important stuff (like spirituality, social justice, etc.) but somewhat different on very little things, like music, quiet hours, etc (though we did come to a mutual agreement on all those things). I think my biggest mistake coming into JVC, was thinking I was an expert on community living. Most of you reading this probably know I lived in an intentional community with 8 girls in college for 2 years. As much as I believe that means I have my PhD in community living, there are still things I don't know. Although I've been able to bring some past experiences, wisdom, etc. from Bethesda to Lazarus, my Lazarus community is in many ways very different from Bethesda, and I'm still learning about each of my community members, and even more about myself through them. We've experienced times of joy, frustration, exhaustion, laughter, and seriousness, and every one of these experiences has brought us closer together and helped us to understand the way each other's minds operate, so that we can meet each other where we're at. 

      One thing that both communities do have in common- our love of spontaneous dance parties. Bethesda is infamous for these. If a good song came on, and someone jumped on a chair in the midst of studying, you found a chair asap if you knew what was good for you, and created the most ridiculous dance moves possible. The other day, my community and I pulled into the driveway after grocery shopping just as a really good song came on. Chris and I brought in an armful of groceries and went back outside to help with the rest, only to discover that Allie and Morgen had started a dance party in the front yard of our swamp house; so like any good community members would do, Chris and I joined in. We danced like fools right in the front yard of our house. These are the moments I will remember forever. It was a moment of joyful carefree laughter for the simple reason of being. It's times like this that give us the strength and patience to get through the tough stuff. And I am confident that our neighbors are thoroughly scared of us.

Side note: In the spirit of Halloween, we carved pumpkins on community night. 

I carved this one- it's the JVC symbol for community living

Our community on the front steps with our pumpkins

Left to right: Me, Cort (one of our support people), Chris, and Cindy (our other support person)

Morgen is taking the picture

          As I've said before, we have been so blessed with such an incredibly loving, welcoming community outside of our home. The Jesuits have been such a source of support and wisdom, (not to mention humor) and on Sundays we've found ourselves staying later and later after brunch, chatting with them about anything and everything. It's like having a house full of brothers, dads, grandpas, and uncles right down the street (although mine are obviously irreplaceable). There's another a family who has been an incredible blessing to us, and the love and support they've shown us is beyond words. We've shared meals with them, experienced the best ice cream in Kansas City, and they invited us to their home for dinner and a game night. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in front of people I barely knew. There was a moment when I was sitting at their table, and just completely felt God's love because I did nothing to deserve their kindness. They could have had anyone else sitting around their table, and they chose to have us there. It made no difference to them where we came from, what our families were like, or what we had accomplished, but they were glad for the fact that we were simply us. They had an extra ticket to a symphony, and out of all the people they know, chose to ask us if one of us wanted to go. As much as I'm missing my family right now,  I know I can speak for our community when I say we have a home away from home. Though our jobs can be stressful and heartbreaking at times, I can rest assured every day that I am going home to my community, and that we are surrounded by even more love and support.
           

Lovin' Simple Livin'

Since I started JVC, I've had the sense that there is a misunderstanding of the "simple living" value. To give you an idea of what I mean, I was talking to one of my co-workers about our budget and stipend. His response: "So you all are living poor for a year, for nothing?" There was pity on his face, and I can only imagine what he was thinking, "Poor girl, how'd she get suckered into this." But I think when he saw the amused look on my face he realized the words that just came out of his mouth. He preceded to correct himself, "Well not for nothing, but you know what I'm saying?" Despite my burning desire to get on my soapbox, (because I knew he meant well, and was more concerned about my well being than anything) I gently explained that we are nowhere near living in poverty, and that we live simply. And this was not the first or only occurrence that inspired me to write this blog. I've talked to many people, who see our way of living as "inferior" to theirs.

So what does it mean to live simply? I think it has to start with realizing the difference between what we want, and what we need. And let's admit, that's easier said than done. About two weeks to the end of last month, we ran out of butter, and we didn't have time to get more until the following week. Unfortunately, we needed other groceries by the end of the week, and since we were at the end of our food budget, there was no room for butter. So instead of chucking bread and milk off of our grocery list, and after a long serious discussion, we came to the tragic conclusion that we would go another week without butter. You know what happened? Nothing. We survived. And it gave me more insight on how to live simply. During the week, while I was eating my dry toast and plain popcorn, (not at the same time) I was reflecting on what it must have been like during the depression, that some of our families actually experienced. In fact, I was thinking of what it must be like in some of my clients' households who can't even afford groceries. And then I really liked that dry toast. I really liked it. Proverbs 27 tells us "He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet." I'm not "going hungry," but I am trying to get rid of things that get in the way of having a grateful heart. 

I've always been a pretty healthy eater, but simple eating has been even better than conscious healthy eating. My diet has consisted of plain oatmeal (it's cheap, nutritious, and filling), all kinds of grains, and I have been trying to eat more of a "raw" vegetarian diet (instead of cooking and using gas/electricity). My community and I try to eat beans and rice a couple times a week for dinner (which with the right spices, can be quite delectable). Not only are we saving money and reducing our impact on the environment, but I feel great. For the past year or so, I have been struggling with running and getting my pace back to what it was when I qualified for Boston. I'm not sure what happened- maybe I was missing some nutrient, or just not being health conscious enough, but running became a physical struggle, and as you all know, I am in love with running. It is my medicine. My go to when I don't know where to go. Anyway, since I've started JVC, when I go for long runs, I lose track of how far I've gone. For the first time in forever I got my pace down to 6:30 during a 3 mile run yesterday, and would have gone longer if I wasn't pressed for time, because it finally felt good. I think God created us to operate optimally on the bare minimum so that we could have more time and energy for Him and the things He created us to do. 

Aside from a simple diet, we've also eliminated paper products from our household. Instead of using napkins and paper towels, we use our sleeves....just kidding. We've learned to use hand towels and dish cloths. We try to consciously take shorter showers, and use less electricity when we can. We reuse containers to store leftovers (like butter containers :)) and of course the obvious one, we reuse grocery bags. I also really like that Allie always seems to know the best things to buy local/Fair Trade. We try to buy free range eggs, local honey, fair trade coffee and tea, and we shop at the local City Market for produce. I've been biking to and from work, and sometimes I even run home (I'm pretty sure my co-workers think I'm strange).

So now you can see why I'm so flabbergasted when people think JVC is living poor. We are filthy rich in the very decision we have to live this way every day. The other day, Allie and I were tutoring a couple of the kids she works with at Operation Breakthrough. Operation Breakthrough is a daycare/family social work service for families who can't afford day care, rent, food, etc. Anyway, Allie was working with a first grade boy on telling time. Allie read one of the questions to him off the worksheet, "What time do you eat dinner?" "We don't eat dinner." He responded. That sentence is forever ingrained in my mind. The people we work with have no other options. They can't just make a decision. And that is the difference between poverty, and simplicity.

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. 
Philippians 3:8